


spop story generator

by ShipperTrash08



Series: dumb catradora fics I sucked at writing [3]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Crack, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:42:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26285137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipperTrash08/pseuds/ShipperTrash08
Summary: I had to do it for spop I'm sorrrrrryyyyy
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra)
Series: dumb catradora fics I sucked at writing [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896778
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

It all started when our over-heralded star, Adora, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling really exasperated, Adora backhanded a live hand grenade, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Happy as a frickin' monkey, she realized that her beloved She-Ra was missing! Immediately she called her overtly elitist, rich friend, Bow. Adora had known Bow for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were striking ones. Bow was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... clueless. Adora called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Bow picked up to a very unctuous Adora. Bow calmly assured her that most albino cats shudder before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually scandalously yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Adora. Why was Bow trying to distract Adora? Because he had snuck out from Adora's with the She-Ra only nine days prior. It was a exotic little She-Ra... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Adora got back to the subject at hand: her She-Ra. Bow shuddered. Relunctantly, Bow invited her over, assuring her they'd find the She-Ra. Adora grabbed her time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Bow realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the She-Ra and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Adora took the noise-polluting import, he had take at least nine minutes before Adora would get there. But if she took the Swift Wind? Then Bow would be alarmingly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Bow was interrupted by four funny-smelling Catras that were lured by his She-Ra. Bow shuddered; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he deftly reached for his potato and aimlessly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Swift Wind rolling up. It was Adora.

\----o0o---- 

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so she knew she was running late. With a quick leap, Adora was out of the Swift Wind and went explosively jaunting toward Bow's front door. Meanwhile inside, Bow was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the She-Ra into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his time machine. Bow was stunned but at least the She-Ra was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Bow sassily purred. With a deft push, Adora opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive coke fiend in a rice rocket,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Bow assured her. Adora took a seat right next to where Bow had hidden the She-Ra. Bow belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Adora was distracted. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Bow noticed a funny-smelling look on Adora's face. Adora slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Bow felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Adora asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the She-Ra right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Adora's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Adora nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Bow could react, Adora carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The She-Ra was plainly in view.

Adora stared at Bow for what what must've been four hours. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Bow groped sassily in Adora's direction, clearly desperate. Adora grabbed the She-Ra and bolted for the door. It was locked. Bow let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Adora,' he rebuked. Bow always had been a little annoying, so Adora knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Bow did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Happy as a frickin' monkey, she gripped her She-Ra tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Bow looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Adora. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Adora. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Bow walked over to the window and looked down. Adora was gone.

\----o0o---- 

Just yonder, Adora was struggling to make her way through the swamp behind Bow's place. Adora had severely hurt her ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Catras suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the She-Ra. One by one they latched on to Adora. Already weakened from her injury, Adora yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Catras running off with her She-Ra.

About two hours later, Adora awoke, her scalp throbbing. It was dark and Adora did not know where she was. Deep in the uninhabited disease-infested jungle, Adora was very lost. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, she remembered that her She-Ra was taken by the Catras. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a big Catra emerged from the lemur-infested moor. It was the alpha Catra. Adora opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the Catra sunk its teeth into Adora's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Adora's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

Less than eleven miles away, Bow was entombed by anguish over the loss of the She-Ra. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened carrot. With a skillful thrust, he buried it deeply into his kidney. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Adora... wishing he had found the courage to tell her that he loved her. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the She-Ra that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Catras, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1


	2. Chapter 2

Once upon a time there was a intuitive girl called Adora . She was on the way to see her girlfriend Catra MeowMeow, when she decided to take a short cut through Greenwood Forest.

It wasn't long before Adora got lost. She looked around, but all she could see were trees. Nervously, she felt into her bag for her favourite toy, Sword of Protection, but Sword of Protection was nowhere to be found! Adora began to panic. She felt sure she had packed Sword of Protection. To make matters worse, she was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, she saw a cute princess dressed in a pink skirt disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Adora.

For the want of anything better to do, she decided to follow the peculiarly dressed princess. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Adora reached a clearing. In the clearing were three houses, one made from pods of peas, one made from lightning and one made from ocean water.

Adora could feel her tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease her hunger.

"Hello!" she called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Adora looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Adora a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Sword of Protection!

"Sword of Protection!" shouted Adora. She turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Sword of Protection back!" cried Adora.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Sword of Protection out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, two cute princesses rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Adora recognised the one in the pink skirt that she'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Princess," said the witch.

"Good morning." The princess noticed Sword of Protection. "Who is this?"

"That's Sword of Protection," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Sword of Protection would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the princess.

The witch shook her head. "Sword of Protection is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Adora interrupted. "Sword of Protection lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Princess ignored her. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Princess looked at the house made from ocean water and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from ocean water if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next princess. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Sword of Protection."

Adora watched, feeling very worried. She didn't want the witch to give Sword of Protection to Big Princess. She didn't think Sword of Protection would like living with a cute princess, away from her house and all her other toys.

The other one princesses watched while Big Princess put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Princess. "Just you watch!"

Big Princess pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from lightning. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Princess started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of lightning, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Princess.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Princess never finished eating the front door made from lightning and Sword of Protection remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Princess stepped up, and approached the house made from ocean water.  
"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Princess. "Just you watch!"

Average Princess pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from ocean water. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After a while, Average Princess started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a princess!" said Average Princess.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Princess, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the princess away under his arm.

Average Princess never finished eating the front door made from ocean water and Sword of Protection remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Sword of Protection."

"Not so fast," said Adora. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from pods of peas. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give her a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the princesses. She won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Adora.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Sword of Protection back."

Adora ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. She came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, she broke off a piece of the door of the house made from pods of peas and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, she took a bite. She quickly devoured the whole piece.

Adora sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Adora. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Adora's food had digested, she broke off another piece of the door made from pods of peas. Once more, she toasted her food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. She ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Adora was down to the final piece of the door made from pods of peas. Carefully, she toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. She finished her final course. Adora had eaten the entire front door of the house made from pods of peas.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little girl won fair and square. Now hand over Sword of Protection or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Adora hurried over and grabbed Sword of Protection, checking that her favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Sword of Protection was unharmed.

Adora thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Catra. It was starting to get dark.

When Adora got to Catra's house, her girlfriend threw her arms around her.

"I was so worried!" cried Catra. "You are very late."

As Adora described her day, she could tell that Catra didn't believe her. So she grabbed a napkin from her pocket.

"What's that?" asked Catra.

Adora unwrapped a doorknob made from lightning. "Pudding!" she said.

Catra almost fell off her chair.

The End


End file.
